Most people go through a rough financial period at least once in their lives. You lose your job, there’s a problem with the house, or a major family crisis. A colleague used to say that deaths always came in threes. Whenever she purchased one sympathy card, she bought an extra, because it always seemed at least one or two people passed away shortly thereafter. Financial difficulties can be like that too. I have been there and some. When you get hit by more than one financial difficulty, you need to hear from friends. There is one item I suggest you avoid when someone tells you about their financial situation:
“You should have saved more.”
Friends, we all need to save, but when someone is feeling the financial crunch, you do not need to bring it up. You are not God in the burning bush appearing to Moses. You are another human being, capable of also facing a financial crisis. You are not providing a new message. Everyone struggling financially, particularly if they are looking at credit card debt, or a car loan, wish they had spent less money and saved more. Save your breath and both of your time if you are going to talk about saving or other should-haves.
Yes, I believe we all can save, and we all can earn more. I live and breathe that. But I do not believe people need to hear me preach in a time of fear, sorrow or frustration. People who are struggling rarely need advice. When you are struggling, you need support. My suggestion is not to ask “how can I help?” but to offer some help. Here are some options:
1. Buy groceries, or take them shopping. I’ve done this a few times for friends.
2. Make or send a meal. I’ve given and received meals, and they are one of my favorite expressions of support.
3. Give a gift card. Glen and I had $40,000 saved for a big house project, but due to job loss and some major house expenses, we went through that money in a few months. A woman in our church approached me after service one Sunday as I was collecting my daughter from nursery. She said, “I know this is strange, but I felt God telling me to give you these.” She was a school teacher and had received Target gift cards. She didn’t know anything about our situation, but just handed them to me and walked away. Technically, Glen and I didn’t need the money. We had saved enough to cover our expenses. But receiving those gift cards was one of the most amazing feelings of relief.
4. Help sort through bills and call/negotiate creditors. Bills and creditors are exhausting, but most of them can – and should! – be negotiated. Help out by sorting through paperwork, watching kids, and finding information online.
5. Go with them when they sign up for unemployment or other community help. I was angry, and, to be really honest, ashamed, to go on unemployment for a month or two. I prided myself on self-sufficiency, and unemployment seemed the antithesis of that. However, I needed some income to pay for childcare while I went on interviews, had coffee with my network, and then started work. Although the initial application was online, I remember wishing so much that someone would help me with the process.
6. Offer to watch their kids, so a single parent can go out, or the couple can go on a date. When we went through our period financial stress, I wish we had had a break, to just pause and talk to one another.
7. Connect them with legal services, if the situation seems appropriate. When I was let go, I considered taking legal action, on account of discrimination (I didn’t). I called a friend who was a lawyer, and he connected me with a pro bono network.
8. Help with car problems. Lend a vehicle, drive them to an appointment, help fix a car problem, or pay for some basics.
9. Offer a financial gift. I have a rule never to loan someone something that I wouldn’t be willing to never see again. Even if I loan money, in my mind, it is always a gift. If I get paid off, great. If I don’t, it was a gift I was already prepared to give.
Most importantly:
10. Show up. True friends show up. They call, send a card, stop by again and again.